Echoes of the Mind's Eye

I am a Buddhist-Wiccan-Christian. I have been seeking enlightment, or God Consciousness since 1988. Ever since I met Mr. Si, a true Taoist Master. Learning from him, I learned what was real and what wasn't in this life. During the time I met with him and his group, I became involved with and initiated into I-Kuan-Dao, a religion that incorporates confucianism, taoism, buddhism, islam, judiaism and chritianity (a basic acceptance of other religions).

I am a regular church goer, more for my children's sake than my own. I want them to have a good moral compass to start life with; I will accept whatever beliefs they develop in the future--well, unless it is some sort of Charles Manson/Jim Jones-type thing.

Spiritually I have been seeking the "oneness" with God. Over the years I have made gains and have hit blockades. There have been moments where I touched the light and others where I have been sunk into darkness. I have found several barriers to attaining the light:

1. Attachment: this is being stuck on material things, possessions, wealth, body, and people--there is also attachement to percieved power. This is one I will never surpass, for the near future anway, because I am attached to my family and will be for my lifetime. Will I ever evolve because of this? It is a different type of attatchment, it is one out of pure love not greed-love.

2. Fear: This is the fear of evil. This is the fear of having your attachments taken away from you. this fear leads to anger and hatred over anyone or anything you percieve as a threat to your attachments. Fear leads to vengeful thoughts/feelings.

3. Forgetting: This is one that I just realized was a barrier today. It has triggered this post, really. The main reason for my loss of any advances and for the descent into darkness is when I forget what I have learned. Practicing meditation daily, reading literature on philosophy and religion, living in a mindful way is how I stay on the path. When I get out of practice doing these things is when I forget. I forget for months at a time, it is hard to get back on track. Even with the fulfillment that comes with mindful living, it is so easy to forget. It is easier just to let the mind go untamed and numb to life. This stunted mindset can last for long periods of time until I happen to read a sentence or pick up a book that reminds me what I should be doing.

The thing is, there are other forces out there that help to remind me. When this happens, is takes a few "coincidences" before it finally gets through the veil and I listen to what I am being told. It may be the appearance of a strange book title, someone saying a particular phrase from the past; then, the next day I see a material representation of what is said--such as a book or TV show, or artwork.

Right now, I realize that I need to continue my pursuit of this goal. But I also need to be more persistent with my daily practice. I must put asisde the excuses and do it.